Thursday, 11 September 2014

More Than Just A Slap


I always knew I'd write about this someday. You see, I have never been ashamed to say "I have been beaten before oh" yet I have dreaded writing about it. I think it is the fear of having to re-live the day but for some reason, since my blog sister Funmi Reese wrote on that Just one slap she received from a guy she wasn't even really dating, I knew it was time to share my experience. I don't get it, you are trying to get a girl to be with you and you don dey land am slap? What a wise man.

This past week i have heard about three ladies who have received a slap, 3 slaps and the last one got beaten blue/black by their husbands. Yes, this is like a whole different scale from mine and Ms Reese's experience because it was by their husbands. The same men who swore to love and protect them. What do you say to a woman whose husband beat up? Hit him back? Leave him? Threaten to do something to him? I don't want to go into that now.
I read about women who were killed by their husbands and boyfriends for one reason or the other and I am glad I walked away when I did. Even when his family called me to beg, even when he'd stalk me (that was another bad sign) I knew I had to be strong for myself and resist. A lot of people begged me to go back to him but i kept saying OYO is your own *in Rita Dominic's voice*  Next time I get beaten, you will come and tell me sorry and go ba?

What did i do when it happened to me? I ran away. Literally and figuratively I left him and never looked back because I didn't come to this world to be any body's punching bag. If it was Just one slap like my Sissy got, I probably would have tried to defend myself that day (bad idea, run! always run) but how do you defend yourself from a person that much bigger than you? My poor self weighed about 50kg back then and i think he would have been close to a 100kg. *Shey i was looking for a tall, well built bobo?*

 Did i mention how my own first slap landed about 5 minutes after we prayed? Actually, he prayed to God to "restore our relationship....." Maybe God told him no and it vexed him?

When the first slap landed, I think I heard a choir singing from afar and I am pretty sure I saw and heard birds singing all over the room and then there was darkness. That was the #adonbilivit phase which lasted just a second as I was jolted back to reality with another slap. I was thoroughly beaten up by this person I had been with for four years. This person whom i was sure "loved me", a  person whom I was to be married to.

And this is how Ms Reese described what happened after she was landed the slap "I think I saw the nine planets and some constellations.lol. It was that brutal.Mind you,it was just that one slap oh,but I saw many many many things. That one slap was enough." *RME* Just for one slap?Did I mention I got more than a slap? And my darling TIBS  said "my life flashed before me in a 360 degree angle....I saw dinosaurs....(you know they are extinct right?) Mami...I saw a dinosaur heading for me after that slap....and I felt like frankenstein...it was like the slap broke my face into bits......" And this is just from ladies I got in contact with recently. I wonder how many more aren't speaking out or running away.

We had been going through a rough patch in the relationship and I made up my mind to end it. And that was my offence. I should have seen it coming as he had threatened to kill me and kill himself if i didn't change my mind about breaking up with him.Of course stubborn me said no, he hit me so hard I was sure I was going to pass out. I was able to run out when I begged him to let me get my inhaler from my bag and he let me (first time in my life I thanked God for being asthmatic). I knew I had to run out or I'd become a statistic. No. scratch that, no one takes statistics here. I would have just been a topic on some blogs for a few days and that would be it.

I dont care what I did or said that day, I know I did not deserve for that to happen to me. When some people ask me why I am quick to say I was beaten up, I say BECAUSE IT HAPPENED! It is a shame that women are being encouraged to keep quiet about it. Why? I have nothing to be ashamed of. He should be ashamed of what he did, I shouldn't be. Wasn't the swollen lip and battered face enough? Why should I carry his shame? That is his cross not mine please.

 Every woman has to know that she is worth so much more than a punching bag to an angry, insecure man. Walk away pleaseand trust that God will bring to you a man that will love you the way you should be loved. I walked away and I found that person.
Please visit www.funmireese.blogspot.com to read her story.
xxo

PS.
It just occurred to me that it is Oscar Pistorius' day in court. He will find out if he is going to jail for killing his girlfriend in his house last year or not. I guess it is a good day for this post then. May Reeva's soul RIP. Amen

34 comments:

  1. Oh mami....today is 9/11.....**sigh** mami...let's talk bout that Slap...actually lemme elaborate....You see, when he slapped me...I felt myself smiling..Alas! it wasn't a smile eh....mami...my face was breaking into bits like frankenstein.....mami....I saw a dinosaur......I am talking bout automatic teleporting....I teleported to Jurassic Park mami....and then I saw Godzilla with her babies.........now that is what a slap can do mami.....**sigh** buh we thank God for today eh....

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    1. LMAO! That must have been some slap. I happen to know a thing or 2 about slaps myself..
      Like you said, thank God for today.

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  2. You are stronger than me oh! i didnt run the 1st time, i thot he would change. but i was able to leave him after a couple more beatings. my eyes opened.

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    1. At least you were able to run at some point. That's more important dear.

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  3. Run! Always run. I like that advice and i pray it never happens to me bcz i will cut a broda. yes i am gangster like that.

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    1. gangster yeah? ok oh! I still say RUN!!!

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  4. Thank God u could Run.... Any man who lift's his hand to hit a woman is not a MAN. hope when women in such situations pick something from the kitchen to defend her self she will not be found guilty of Murder. Oscar Pistorius not guilty of murder.The judge said there were not enough facts to prove the most serious charge of pre-meditated murder.

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  5. Thank God my padi ran oh.
    Do you feel better having written it out? It's weird but It was like a weight I wasn't aware I had was lifted off my shoulder when I wrote it. It allowed me to confront the past.
    Having said that, I concur. RUN! RUN! RUN,
    Part 2 is always worse if you wait for it.
    When it's a husband, some women find it difficult to run cos it's like "Where would I go,What will people say"?Did you read that story on SDK yesterday?She was almost strangled to death.

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    1. Sisi mi, i read it! And i felt sad when she said her family asked her to stay cz they have given her out already. Imagine that!
      I feel sad. but i know its because i had to imagine all the craziness again.
      I'll be good tho.
      xxo

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  6. Hmmmm... seen. Any man who hits his wife (for any reason) is a mad man because that is as good as hitting himself, for they are one flesh as the bible says. A man hitting a chic he is still trying to woo...|=O| =]xx >=-o I don't get it at all. May God deliver us all.

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  7. As much as ladies might provoke dudes sometimes, here's a hint for the guy: ignore her and walk away... it's as painful as you want it to be just without the bonus panaramic views of extinct creatures, planets, stars and singing birds.

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  8. A man has no right to lay his hands on a woman no matter what. That apart, you become the guilty one and you have to go begging (the man ego go allow am so). Nobody would wanna know what she did anymore. Buh seriously just walk away if you can't control yourself. When you cool off, sort it out. Worst of all beating a woman makes a man feel empty.

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  9. First off.. Oscar Pistorious walked oh! i guess all his crying in court worked for him.. the story sef dey 1 kain. How can someone say he thought it was a buglar and shot. Thats what I mean come on!!! was he that Dumb?? Just watch the way that guy is, i give him 2 years, he will commit suicide. Just watch ... it is well ooo.

    Mehn I cant deal.. Why would a man beat his lady?? What happened to the love. I felt a tad irritated that your guy hit you, and it was even worse that you are Asthmatic, and then he did! Shit smh for some guys. I love the way you referenced funmi's blog, and Like i said on her post; At a time in my life yeah, i almost hit a lady.. But i looked in her eyes and saw it all watery and all, and mehn it was like i saw myself through her eyes. Mehn I felt stupid :(. i know Girls can be chatter Boxes atimes (Vira nd Funmi you have to accept) but Brothers, Hitting a lady is a sign of weakness, not strength. I am but 22 Years 9 months old, so i dunno how life is living with my Babe all time every time, but I know that i have a short fuse, and i pray when she pushes me to the wall, i will have the rational thinking to just say I love you babe, and walk away. Its crazy.. Dear Girls, no matter the Therapy or group sessions you attend after being hit, it doesnt take away the physical hurt, so stop and i mean STOP!!! Pushing us guys to the wall. **Deep sigh ( I actually sighed oh :) ) Nice post Vira, it was an interesting Read... You have me hooked on ya Blog like Cannabis :)

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    1. Yay! Duru, pls stay hooked.
      ehen, back to the issue, so I accept we are chatter boxes (sometimes) still....oya chatter back na or walk away like someone said earlier.
      That Oscar issue sha....story for another day.
      xxo

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  10. I've got no experiences with slaps and trust me I so don't want to.. To the experienced, thumbs up for running!! Thank God for my sissy's life

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    1. Lol. Which kind of bad thing is that to be "experienced "about. It was just one instance oh.

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  11. It isn't a good trait in a man. It shows a lack of control over his emotions. I have come close to hitting a woman before, thank God for self control.

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    1. Gbam!
      Shows a total lack or control. Theres not a worse trait that a guy can have.

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  12. Ah tot twaz only drunk men dat slap ladies....chill first....y aint d guys commentin...yall shld spit it out nd tell us our flaws so as to adjust...coz I pray to God for strength to insult d hell outta anyone who touches my face...lolzz...*as if I can*

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    1. Mercy my point exactly.. When some ladies push their Guy to the wall by saying infuriating things, what do you expect the guy to do? Smile??.. Womens strength lie in their Tongues, and sadly that of men lies in their fists.. So Bam! They get hit. Women should learn to not Push their man. They should understand him enough to understand when he is Pissed beyond limit.. Come on mehnnnn...

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    2. After he slaps you, you want to stay and insult? After reading all that? My dear you would be thinking about your life then oh. I pray it never happens to you tho. e no funny at all.

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    3. Duru he haf vex! Dont mind us with our razor blade mouth biko.
      but i get your point.
      Mercy, dont go and look for trouble oh.

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  13. You may or may not agree with me, but somehow it was better you learned that lesson before you made a lifelong commitment with the guy. So, thank God for showing you ladies the early slaps.

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    1. I totally agree with you! I even say so myself.
      Lol @ early slaps.

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  14. Well...if ah cnt insult u...I wld arrange for u to be given a ghud beatin in my presence ooo...I wld make sure ur face gets so disfigured so u won't even be able to glance at d mirror....chai...u won't forget d beatin in a hurry...u wld live to tell ur generatn...lol...I will ooo.

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    1. My kindda girl! I should have arranged for that....

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  15. men who hit women are cowards...

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    1. Preach it sister!!
      I always say go look for your size and fight if you really want to flex your muscles.

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    2. Dearest Mercy,
      arranging for a guy to get beaten isn't the best idea.what if he gets excess beating which may cost his life, or get disfigured for life???? how will that stigma that you killed someone you once loved be to you????
      and on judgment day what will you tell God that you "A Lady" did to a guy that you were protecting yourself?? or that you were flexing muscles with him???
      Just put yourself in that shoe and imagine what you'll do Darling #xoxo

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  16. Any man who beats his woman is sick, lacks self worth and just looking for a way to assure himself that he is in "charge". Every woman with such a man should run �� oo, he does not deserve her.

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  17. Wow!! You are a strong woman my sister!!! Thank God sey you run o!! And for the first time, thank God for asthma o

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  18. U tell good stories - I dont condone DV but could not help laughing at you seeing dinosaurs. LOL!! Thank God you took to your heels and didnt look back......

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  19. U did d right thing gurl! There is no changing a man! If he did it once, he'll do it again! RUN! It's the best thing to do.

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